With the Chinese New Year approaching, now would be a good time to remember the importance of gift-giving in Chinese culture. Giving and receiving gifts plays a big part in maintaining guanxi, or good relations, and this principle applies to personal as well as business relationships. The Chinese Spring Festival is the perfect time to give presents. If you were to visit a friend or business acquaintance on this occasion, it would really be inappropriate to show up empty-handed.

When it comes to gift-giving, though, it's the thought that counts, really. Giving something that's too expensive or extravagant is really not appropriate because the receiver will feel a big debt of gratitude. There's a “script” to follow when it comes to gift-giving. If you're the giver, it's important that you present the gift with both hands and to downplay the value of what you're giving. If you're the receiver, act like you think you don't deserve a present and throw in a couple of “Oh, you really shouldn't have” before accepting the gift. Remember that to refuse a gift is the height of rudeness because it shows that you're overlooking the gift-giver's sincere gesture.

Good manners and respect for one another characterize the Chinese practice of giving and receiving presents. The rules of the game also say that presents are not to be opened right away. This is to show that it's not the present, but the gesture that matters. This also helps avoid awkward situations in case the gift doesn't really please the receiver.

Mian Bogao and the swans

There's a story in Chinese history about the art of giving presents. During the Tang dynasty, it was customary for local officials to show their respect for the emperor by giving him wonderful presents. A certain official sent a man named Mian Bogao to bring two swans for the emperor. Mian started on his way to the distant capital with the two swans. Along the way, he came upon a lake. He had this brilliant idea to put the swans into the water for a swim. This way, they could rid themselves of the dirt and grime that have clung to them on their long trip. Besides, he was sure the emperor would appreciate two white swans more than the dirty ones he now had.

But as soon as Mian set the birds down on the water, the ungrateful swans flew away and was soon lost from his sight. Only a few feathers remained on the shore. Mian was so distressed and wondered what he would now present to the emperor. He kept the feathers in his pocket and continued dejectedly on his way.

When he arrived at the palace, he saw that the emperor was surrounded by messengers who were presenting him with gift after marvelous gift. When his turn came, Mian offered a single swan's feather to the emperor with this poem: “I have traveled a thousand li to show my respect. But on my way, I lost the swans to the lake . I apologize, Your Highness, but I swear that my respect for the emperor is genuine.”

The emperor was impressed by Mian's sincerity and proclaimed himself satisfied with the present. This incident is remembered in the saying qiān lĭ sòng ér máo, meaning, “to walk a thousand li and present a feather as a gift.” Li is a measure of distance, which is equal to about half a kilometer. Qiān lĭ, or a thousand li, is an expression that means “really far.” Sòng is the verb meaning “to give,” and máo means feather.

Qiān lĭ sòng ér máo, it's the thought, not the gift, that truly matters.