O tempora, o mores!: A foreigner's survival guide to China

'No spitting, no jumping in line, no pushing!', screamed the posters flanking the streets of Beijing in the months leading up to the Beijing Summer Olympics. This is just one example of how Chinese citizens were being taught in true manifest-style to behave themselves in the run-up to the world's biggest sports event. For us Westerners, these interdictions may seem quite self-explanatory, but in Beijing such explicit reminders are more than necessary for, in the capital of the Middle Kingdom, people seem to live by the law of the jungle, which in simple terms means that only the strong will survive.

In this city of over 16 million people, no consideration is given to the woman, child or elderly person crossing the street, instead, the prevailing attitude seems to be one of 'it's everyone for themselves.' If you don't quickly learn to assimilate to the customs of the indigenous population by mimicking their pushing and queue-jumping practices, you will simply get run over. Taxis will be snatched from in front of you, you won't ever make it inside the metro train at the subway station, and what's more, you'll end up queuing forever at the bank. The same principle also applies in traffic, so for pedestrians speed is not just an advantage, but also a necessity for survival.

Old habits die hard

At the start of my adventure in China, when I was still quite the tenderfoot, I tried to adhere to the so-called theory of constructive criticism as a guideline for helping me get through daily life in Beijing. I would grumble and swear (in Finnish) at people who cut in front of me in line, and most often that did seem to do the trick. I would also let those “taxi thieves” have it by haranguing them with my entire, though limited, repertoire of Chinese vocabulary, which often proved quite ineffective. At times I would go all out to set an example for the entire nation by opening doors to people and giving my seat to the elderly on public transport. Well, finally, after getting my fill of being shoved and stepped on I came to the conclusion that it doesn't pay to be polite.

But the real epiphany came only after I realized two things, first of all, that the saying 'when in Rome do as the Romans do' carries some real meaning, and secondly, that I'm bigger than them! And so I decided to learn an efficient use of the elbow tactic when weaving through the crowds in the metro station and to keep my place in line. I didn't really jump queues per se, but I might have been the first one at the counter, ahem, just because of my agility and strength. The unfortunate consequence of this type of etiquette training was that it has since been very hard to shake off these undesired habits... That's also why, upon my return to Finland, I a nearly bulldozed a couple of old ladies to the ground, purely by accident.

A flicker of light

Sometimes, the friendliness of people on Beijing buses can really surprise you. (Image: Radio86)In the name of fairness, I should also tell you about the 'strange flickers of light' I sometimes had the chance of encountering in Beijing. One of the best examples of these include the “bus ladies,” or the ticket sellers on buses. On more than one occasion, a ticket lady has demanded some unlucky member of the male sex to give me his seat on a crowded bus. No use in my trying to profusely object to such a gesture of cordiality as the dutiful officer shoos the startled young man from his seat. No one would dare to take a stand against the bus lady! I still don't know what prompted such unexpected acts of kindness, maybe I just appeared too frail for the harsh environment of Beijing buses in rush-hour traffic.

Beijingers, like Chinese people in general, are very polite to people they consider a part of their immediate circle of friends or at least of their own neighborhood. That's why the bus stopper woman at the stop nearest my home always made sure I was standing in the best spot so I that I could get climb on the bus first. Sometimes she would also do her best to hold the bus for me if I was running a bit late. However, one other thing I was able conclude during my stay in China was that the Chinese are not at all more inclined to greet their neighbors than we here in Finland.

The urban minefield

Then there's of course spitting. The vision of someone expectorating a nice bit of phlegmy spittle from the bottom of their lungs, complete with the appropriate sound effects can make more sensitive people feel queasy. Unfortunately, this is a habit that can simply not be weeded from the city as long as 90 percent of the male population smokes and thick smog continues to enshroud the entire city. According to Chinese belief, it is unhealthy to let mucus build up in the body, so no wonder people consider it absolutely necessary to evacuate it. Personally, I believe that men also use spitting as a way to reaffirm their masculinity. Some men have tried to impress me, too, with their manly spitting, but to no avail. However, in China, men aren't the only ones that spit, which kind of disproves my theory. Spitting is not among the habits that I would recommend adopting when in China, instead, I would suggest choosing between two more subtle approaches: either you keep incessant vigil and learn to swerve around the minefields of spittle, or you close your eyes from the whole atrocity. I myself have chosen to go for the latter approach. I have also tried to verbally appeal to people to stop spitting, but so far even the most deep-felt expressions of discontent presented in the Chinese language have failed to make an impact on these hardcore nicotine addicts.