They doubt us –just like we doubt them

Last year when I was working for a local magazine in Suzhou, I often met with hotel PRs. Once, the PR suggested we would talk over lunch and I sat down with her in the hotel restaurant.

She: Can we speak Chinese? (in Chinese)
Me: Sure!

We talked for a good 10 minutes before she said:

- Oh my god! Your Chinese is so good! I have never met a foreigner that can understand as much as you! How long have you been here for?

- 2.5, soon 3 years.

- I know a foreign man who has been here for 6 years and he doesn’t understand anything!

- Well, I have studied for some time.

- Oh...okay.

Was I imagining it, or did her excited and impressed facial expression change into disappointment? Did she seriously think I had picked all that up from the street?

The topic quickly turned to food:

She: So, shall we order?

Me: Sure, how about some Chinese food?

- You LIKE Chinese food?!

- I LOVE Chinese food.

- Oh, most foreigners I know don’t like it…

We went on like that for a while. Basically, I was the exact opposite of all foreigners that she had met in China. I liked Chinese food. I loved spicy food. I wasn’t scared of trying something that most foreigners don't like, but that Chinese people normally love, like ‘duck’s tongue.’

- No foreigner likes that!!

- Sure, but we can still try it, right?!

I had to nag for 20 minutes before she agreed to order it.

Once the food was ordered she relaxed for a bit, until the dishes started to arrive. Then, she picked up her chopsticks and gave me a big smile:

- Now, I know that chopsticks can be a bit hard for foreigners...do you want me to ask for a fork and knife for you?

- Eh...I can handle chopsticks, thanks. Like I said, I’ve been here for almost 3 years and I often eat Chinese food.

- Yeah, sure...

Even though I proved her wrong during the meal, the experience still stayed with me the whole day. I tried to imagine me meeting a Chinese girl who’s been living in Sweden for almost 3 years and who could speak Swedish. I then asked myself if I would ask the girl: ‘So, have you tried Swedish meatballs yet? And oh, can you handle a knife and fork?!’

I’m pretty sure I won't.

However, the incident reminded me of an interview I once did with the CEO of a Western company. They had just expanded their factory and he told me that they had bumped into some major problems during the expansion.

Local authorities were constantly on their backs and it took twice as long to get the usual approvals and permissions. Finally it dawned on him that the main reason the authorities were so suspicious was because they were using a foreign, rather than a Chinese, company.

- We used a Western company because we wanted things to be done well and we didn’t trust a Chinese one to be able to do the job. But what we didn’t realize was that just like we doubt them, they doubt us.

And then it all became crystal clear. Of course they doubt us... just like we doubt them. Regardless of what anyone says.